What’s been your worst experience with bullies in your life? Maybe it was a cruel comment in the school hallway, an exclusionary clique in the workplace, or a sneering remark that still echoes in your mind. You must have some story you can share about a bully you’ve come across in your life, no matter how great or small their impact was, someone at some point, who used words or actions to diminish your confidence, and shake your sense of worth.

The Many Faces of a Bully

From childhood playground taunts to adult micro‑aggressions, to online trolls, bullying can take on countless obvious forms:

• Overt aggression: Name‑calling, physical intimidation, public humiliation.
• Covert cruelty: Silent treatment, gossip, exclusion.
• Institutional pressure: Unrealistic expectations from society, family, or workplace culture.
• Online bullying: Harassment, intimidation or exclusion through social media, messaging apps or other digital platforms

These types of bullies can leave visible scars on your self‑esteem, but you can learn to defend yourself. Read on.

Revealing the Inner Fiend

That nagging inner voice, can be the cruelest bully of them all, because it masquerades as caution, concern, or even motivation. It can go so far as criticising your every move, magnifying your mistakes, and even minimising your successes.

Unlike external bullies, it never takes a day off, it’s 24/7/365 “Always-on”, just like an AI Agent, except it is very real, and doesn’t need Machine Learning (ML), a Large Language Model (LLM) or Natural Language Processing (NLP), it’s fully automated, and knows exactly which of your buttons to push.

Sound familiar? A guest you never welcomed into your mind! It somehow arrived, uninvited, an unlawful occupier, who doesn’t pay rent! A brattish toddler who demands way too much attention, and doesn’t respond to begging, pleading, or even threats, as it has no conscience or accountability. It’s just a “negative nancy” set on loop, with an energy that never needs charging!

The Battlefield of the Mind

Ask yourself, “Whose voice is this negative narrative mimicking?”. You may be relatively surprised at the answer. Often the source of what has become a remote control in your mind, is the voice of a parent, sibling, teacher or caregiver who imposed criticism onto you at an early age, with a belief system developing before you turned seven. Watch Inside Out 1 and 2 if you haven’t already!

This inner beast is very real, and these movies showcase how often there are arguing views in your mind, influenced by HALT: Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, as well as hormones, and any other external influences or past traumas. It’s no wonder mankind is constantly searching for ways to still their minds! It is without doubt, the greatest daily challenge you will ever face, referred to as the “Battlefield of the Mind”.

Transforming Your Inner Dialogue

The reality is that the solution isn’t a quick fix. You can’t silence your inner bully overnight, but you most certainly can transform its voice. And fast fact, the other bullies mentioned above, all contribute to this dilemma, so let’s fix this internal quandary, and the outer bullies won’t find a victim any longer they can taunt, a win win!

Here are four steps to get you started:

1. Notice and name it. When self‑criticism arises, pause. Without judgment, identify that the thought is not your rational mind, that it originates from a past criticism stuck in your emotional centre, and is clearly the inner bully repeating someone’s voice. Whose dialogue is it that’s on loop in your mind? Mom, dad, sibling, teacher, friend, boss, colleague or stranger?
2. Question its validity. Ask yourself: “Would I say this to someone I love?” If not, it’s time to challenge it, as more often than not, it’s a resentment from a past experience or event, churning out this criticism.
3. Choose to forgive. As hard as it might be to acknowledge, whomever harmed you with this original act of bullying, through words or actions, still has power over you. The one and only solution, that has longevity, is to forgive the bearer of this voice.  
4. Replace with kindness. A habit is formed in 21 days, and so is one broken, if you “choose” to  fast” from listening to these lies. This will never work by chance, you need to make a choice to either pray for the person, or to write them a letter of forgiveness, even if you never send it.

You may be hugely surprised that even before the 21 days are up, that the voice has been hushed. But take note, the inner dialogue is like a bad rash, and if you don’t keep up the vigilant maintenance of “Taking your thoughts captive”, that insulting microphone can easily work its way back into your mind.

Your Ultimate Goal

Over time, that bully’s roar can become a whisper, replaced by a steady, supportive inner guide. And remember: the greatest victory isn’t defeating an external enemy, but transforming the voice inside you into your strongest ally. So when the verbal, physical or online bully enters your space, you are quietly confident in your boundary of “not letting them get to you, no matter what they say or do!”

You deserve a champion within. It’s time to let that champion voice speak the truth, that you listen to… and in my world, that voice is God. Ever present, unconditionally loving, consistent, never changing.